DATE #1, The Teeth Picker

January 9th, 2019

Successfully attended my first date. Not only my first date of the year, but my first date post-relationship and first date on a dating app.

I have a couple of rules and regulations for the dates.

1. No weekend dates. As these could lead to the boys thinking they could get lucky and lets be real……. that just isn’t going to happen

2. No dinner dates. Too much of a time commitment.

3. To get a second date they really gotta blow me out of the water. I have 19 dates to go on and not that much time!

This one didn’t go too well.

Boy #1 picked the place, a casual Mexican place that is known for their Mexican Martinis that can leave you on your ass if you aren’t careful.

Before the date I chugged a hefty glass of wine to calm the nerves, which did help. The thing I was most worried for what being able to notice this internet guy in real life. Thankfully he is standing outside as I walk up.

So the conversation goes really well, we are hitting it off, laughing, having a good time. He tells me about how he is 23, owns a house nearby, and is some type of engineer. So I think to myself, “Yes this guy is a success!”

We order a round of the Mexican Martini’s and some chips & queso. This is where things start to go south. I am really not one to judge someone’s manners or habits. I grew up with two brothers, I know what boys are capable of. So on a first date you would think you would be on your A game but not this guy. This man decided that he was going to pick his teeth, and I’m not talking like a delicate little front tooth action, I’m talking reaching in the back of his mouth, digging around for those chips, and then EATING WHAT HE HAD FOUND OFF HIS FINGERS. All while still holding a conversation. I mean come on, this is a first date! How does this man act after one year or twenty years?? I tried to look past it, everyone can make a mistake but he kept reaching back in the depths of his mouth during the whole date. Talk about distracting. “EXCUSE ME SIR, YOU MISSED A SPOT!”

Sadly, the teeth picking wasn’t the only weird part. He decided to tell me a story about how he he often gets mistaken as gay when he is out at the bars. Girls will buy him drinks and start up a conversation with him in hopes he could be their new gay bff. Obviously he was not aware that this is the girlies intention. I thought this was an odd story to tell on a first date…

So I finally slug back the rest of my drink and tell him that I have to go due to an early morning. He walks me out and I could see where girls at the bars would think he is gay. I can’t put my finger on it but the comments made sense. I hug him goodbye in hopes to never see the depths of his chip filled mouth again.

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