June 18th, 2019
At this point of the social experiment I began to hit a lull. I was picking guys based on how quickly I could get a date out of them, when I should have been focused on if I actually thought we could have a connection. I had gotten obsessed with hitting the 19 dates mark. So date #9 was just the first one out of the many boys on the app to quickly agree to a date.
We agreed to meet at a bar down the street from my office at 8:30 pm. I have mastered the week night date; meet for drinks anytime around 8 pm, have two drinks, chat for a little, and then head home by 11 pm so I could be snuggled into my bed by midnight.
At around 8 pm I get a text asking if we can meet at 9? I said sure but this is inching its way into a later evening than I was expecting and I am very particular about my sleep. So I head over to the bar at around 8:55 pm. On time. The second I arrive I get a text from him saying, “Sorry running late, can we push it back to 9:15?” I have to respond sure because I am already at the bar! 9:15 rolls around and no sign of this idiot. Then I get another text saying, “On my way! My ETA is 9:36pm”. Okay at this rate I am annoyed. I had ordered a glass of wine since I have been sitting by myself for 30 minutes and I promptly order a second glass since this date is already a hassle. He finally gets to the bar and we proceed to have an extremely uninteresting date. I can’t help but think to myself that I would have rather stayed home.
The actual date was fine, he didn’t say or do anything weird. Which is messed up that I tell myself that the date went fine since he was normal. We know from the previous blog posts that some of these dates are just plain weird dudes. The date was just meh, again.
Now I had started to realize that I learn more about myself and the boys from the dates that either go very bad or go quite well. The meh dates don’t provide me with any learning experiences. The bad dates provide me with a checklist of all the things I would not want in a potential partner and the good dates check partner boxes I didn’t know I had. I think the okay dates are harder to go on than the bad dates since I can’t pinpoint why there is no connection. I know finding a connection is hard and I have recently found that using the dating apps makes finding those connections even harder. The dating apps puts everyone right at your finger tips. You swipe, you match, you chat online for a bit, and then you go on a date. How can you tell if you might have a connection with someone if they only interaction you have with them is over the internet? So I had just started picking the boys who would easily agree to a date to see if there was a connection and it was turning out that more times than not there was no connection.
I don’t know how people do it, I don’t know how they meet someone online. Everyone I had met online was just okay. I know there are a few diamonds in the heaping load of trash that are the dating apps, but I have not run across them. I have plenty of friends who have met their significant other on the apps but to me it seems impossible. I also had realized that I had more of a connection with the boys I have met in the wild than any of the ones I have met on the apps. I beginning to think that maybe my kind of guy is not on the dating apps. If he isn’t on the dating apps, where in the world am I going to find him?
I had a friend ask me where my ideal type of guy hangs out and this has really got me thinking. I think my ideal type of guy hangs out at the dog park, a coffee shop, a book store, Whole Foods/ Trader Joe’s, maybe REI. So what does that mean for me? I need to frequent these places more? Most of these places are places where someone would not want to be disturbed. I just walk up to a guy studying at the coffee shop and say, “Hey there! Wow what are you studying for? Oh the CPA? Wow impressive! My brother is studying for his CPA too! What kind of coffee is that? Oh, interesting I haven’t tried that!” Yea no. This guy would be like, “Buzz off, do not talk to me, can’t you see I am busy!” I guess I am still working out the kinks on how to meet men in the wild and I should probably take some lessons on how to be more approachable. I have been told I have RBF (resting bitch face), not the best when wanting men to come to you. If I smiled all the time I would need Botox. Maybe they can Botox my face to a permanent smile, could end up creepy or cute.
Boy #9 can be chalked up to late AF and no connection. I am writing these blogs a couple months after I have gone on these dates, so the next five or so are still coming from the apps, but I have decided that I will try harder to pursue and find some wild men to close out the year. I am only loosing hope with each and every date. 2020 might be the year of 0 dates, but lord only knows.