Shit Out of Luck

In 2019 I decided that I was going to fully submerge myself in the dating world. I was going to go on 19 first dates in 2019. Well I did it and I even finished strong at 20 first dates!

I originally started this blog to write about the “research” I was finding from this dating social experiment, but along the way I got too caught up in checking dates off my list that I wasn’t picking guys that I could find a deeper connection with. I definitely was not vetting these guys enough. I was picking guys based on who was available that week for drinks. So of course when you let the internet choose who you date, some of the 19 dates ended up being duds. Looking back, there are some dates I can’t even remember. Which doesn’t help my social experiment research or my dating track record.

The worst types of dates are the kind where you don’t have anything in common, a very obvious miss match. Two strangers from the internet, who would have never run into each other in the real world. Which can be a good thing, but usually there’s a reason why you would never run into them in the wild.

On dud first date, you find yourself sucking down your vodka soda, racking your brain for another conversation topic, and checking your phone to see if it is the polite time to get the hell out of there. I have been there, many times. The guy is nice enough, conversation is fine, he even pays for the drinks, but there is just a big, fat missing piece that you can’t put your finger on. I think this big, fat missing piece might be lack of connection, but how do I find better men to go on dates with? I am clearly looking in the wrong places.

I finished the 19 dates, even dated a guy for awhile in 2020, but currently I am back to my single roots. I wanted to start writing again to set a dating goal. The 19 dates pushed me out of my comfort zone, it allowed me to meet people I wouldn’t normally have met, it gave me stories to tell, and it felt damn good to accomplish a goal.

Then COVID happened and the whole world had to slow down. I know I can’t be the only one feeling just flat out weird post-COVID. I have spent the past several months trying to figure out my career (which is just short of a disaster), attempting but failing at keeping up with friends, and honestly, just sitting on my couch bingeing reality TV. If you have ever seen the Bill Murray movie, Groundhog’s Day, that is exactly how my life is going. Like I am stuck reliving the same day over and over and over again. So how does Bill get out of the continuous time loop? He becomes a better person! Now I don’t think I am a bad person, but that’s exactly what a bad person would think! But for real I am not a bad person, I try to do thoughtful things for others and I always call my mom. So what is the secret to escaping my time loop?

As you can imagine, dating recently has been tough, tougher than usual. You have two options, the wild and the dating apps. I have been a heavy app user in the past, but as of recent it seems like no one is on the apps to find a genuine connection. They have turned into a swiping left or right competition. A guy I know said, “I only use the dating apps when I am on the toilet.” So that’s where the dating apps are at currently, and I’ve been shit out of luck.

With the remaining months of 2021, I want to set a new dating goal for myself. I am going to attempt dating in the wild, in the real world. No help from the dating apps. There are a couple initial set backs though; like where do I even find dateable, single men in Austin? What are my flirting techniques? I don’t want to meet drunk guys at the bar, I am looking for that big, fat missing piece. I am not exactly sure what that missing piece looks like but I think I will know when I find it.

Please leave a comment below with advice, boy I need all the help I can get!

9 thoughts on “Shit Out of Luck

  1. Maybe challenge yourself to go talk to a rando at a coffee shop? Or at a park? maybe the guys single maybe he’s not but at least that would challenge you to get out of the continuous loop!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello there. Permit me to share my thoughts as someone who’s given up on this dating thing for good at 30.

    I will definitely agree with you — dating apps no longer work. Everyone’s only there for a quick fling, and seldom for something serious. Much as I want to get a good connection there, I barely get any. Can’t blame people for their standards though, so I adjusted by deleting all my accounts there and the apps from my phone.

    Tried Reddit for some time, but it never quite launched. People there have exorbitant preferences that they border on ridiculous! Got more rejections and ghosting incidences than actual wins. I won’t advise the R4R subreddit – it’s worse now compared to when I last stopped by there.

    And yes, let’s face it. The pandemic put a final nail on the prospect of in-person dating as everyone’s afraid of contracting SARS-CoV-2.

    My advice? Just live your life. Methinks you have it easier; the right one will come along when you’re not looking, I guess. Kenny Loggins put it succinctly: “And soon as you no longer try, you’ll turn and find it standing by your side.”

    Have a great life!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Nah, I’m good. I don’t fit the world’s standards, anyway – so best to do things I want to do instead of torturing myself. Only got one life anyways.

        Wishing you the best likewise!

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  3. I’ve more or less given up on dating apps. I keep 1 — via Facebook because it’s convenient lol 😆 but honestly I don’t have the time right now. Maybe when my little one goes back to school and our schedules re-adjust… but I currently haven’t wanted to spend what little free time I do have playing 21 questions repeatedly. I had hoped that maybe by NOT pursuing it… God would just drop Mr. Right at my door… no such luck. 🤷🏽‍♀️ maybe it’s my lonely season and I’m trying to be okay with it but it is hard when everyone is paired up.

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    1. I agree, it is hard when everyone is paired up, but I do have good news for you! My therapist met her husband who she first met when he knocked on her door! He was there for a roommates party! I do think she is the exception to the rule though. I hope you get a knock on your door from Mr. Right!

      Like

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